Healing from Toxic Relationships

May 30, 2022
This compassionate manual by psychotherapist Sarkis (Gaslighting) tackles toxic behavior and shares sensible strategies for grappling with it. The author lays out a 10-step plan for dealing with toxic relationships, romantic or otherwise, and details how to avoid unwanted contact, stop blaming oneself, and find resolution. The first step is to “identify toxic people,” and to that end Sarkis lists red flag behaviors (“pathological lying,” “refusal to respect boundaries”) and outlines the “three stages of a toxic relationship,” during which abusers “idealize, devalue, and discard” others. Emphasizing the importance of finding a mental health care provider (step six), Sarkis details the most common kinds of therapy approaches (cognitive-behavioral, dialectical behavior, solution-focused, and acceptance and commitment) and reminds readers that “you get out of therapy what you put into it.” Journal prompts stimulate reflection on the personal impact of abuse; for example, the author encourages readers to write about the origins of their self-criticism and find a positive way to reframe those thoughts. Readers will appreciate the practicality of the guide, which distills its insights into easily digestible enumerated lists (e.g., the five types of boundaries, the six strategies for addressing insecure attachment styles) and detailed “check-ins” that help with self-assessment of such questions as “Do you have anger control issues?” and “Is your relationship codependent?” The result is a thorough program for healing from abuse.